Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
People in love make me want to vomit
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
