I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
