All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
