Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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