So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
