Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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