R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
