break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
