Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
