I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
