where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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