we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
