I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
