A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
