if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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