Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
