After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
