I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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