It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
This house was built for laser tag.
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Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
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I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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