I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
