We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
