Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
