I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
