your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
