When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
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