Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i now understand why vodka
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
