Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
