I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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