i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
