Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
