Where did you get a picture of my penis
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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