When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
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Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
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Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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