He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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