i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i just sent this text using only my big toe
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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