We won't sleep together?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize