Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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