i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
No subtext here. People are naked.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
