What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I deserve this hangover.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
