yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
