that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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