He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You are a genius and a whore.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
