Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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