shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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