finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
