man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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