I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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