Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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