I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
