I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
