I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
