i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
