i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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