i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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