and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
