Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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