I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
