Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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