Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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