I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Two words: blizzard sex
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
