i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
