You really coming over, don't trick.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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