rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Randomize
