but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
