I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
