who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
