If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
