It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
