You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Randomize
