Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
