i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You are the jesus of drinking
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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