if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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