We named our party play list daddy issues
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
