Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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