just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
