no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
