Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
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I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You are a genius and a whore.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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